Grief Moved In. Now What?
Photo Credit: Abbie Bernet
In a recent article from the Harvard Business Review the author states “If we can name it, perhaps we can manage it. “ The “it” you are wrestling with is grief.
Globally, we are in deep shock, we are the walking-gutted, we are skiddish and reckoning with the loss of so many things in one simultaneous collective swell - it’s ok if you feel off-balance. Collective grief starts with a shot of adrenaline to do the right thing, then morphs into scarcity behaviours to self-protect and eventually starts to shift into groaning discomfort.
Grief moves in, unpacks its bags and starts asking questions.
For many of us grief is not something we are inherently comfortable with. In our modern lives we rarely afford ourselves the time, silence, space or practices that help us gently walk with grief.
So how do we befriend this new teacher?
Give Yourself Time: Grief loves to invite us, sometimes force us to observe the emotional ebbs and flows we are experiencing. I have found it can be very helpful to take short 10-15 min windows throughout the day to sit with grief, which can help build tolerance for grief’s more interruptive moments. We can’t control grief, but we can become more familiar with it.
Get Curious About Silence: Grief can be a deafening blow or a subtle hum, like a ringing in the ears. These sensations often disrupt our concentration and trigger a looping narrative in an effort to “make sense” of what we are experiencing. Preemptively carving out intentional silent moments (about 5 min at a time) can help develop the ability to observe and tolerate our inner narratives when they get a bit out of hand.
Grounding Your Space: Grief likes to sit in the body. You may experience things like restlessness, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, increase of cravings, aches and pains, headaches etc. - these are all signals from our bodies that deserve gentle attention. Practices like yoga, walking, massage, crying, hot baths, aromatherapy and deep breathing are all excellent ways to tune into and release the grief that sits in our bodies.
Collective Practices: Grief is better shared. So how do we share our grief when we are not able to access the comfort of a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or gathering with our communities? Virtual connection will help us endure grief in the short-term, but there are also ancient paths that can help deepen our tolerance for discomfort and upheaval. I’d be curious to hear what practices your families or communities have used in the past to survive grief.
For example, listen to Hozier sing "The Parting Glass" - a Scottish traditional song often sung at the end of a gathering of friends.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to navigate this moment. Grief is complex, unpredictable and totally unique to you, your story and your situation.
My only wish for all of us is that we grow to tolerate just a bit more of this discomfort that we are all experiencing - not for any silver lining or existential outcome, but simply because we find ourselves here together and that is a beautiful thing.
